Last night I took my mother to see the new film Book Club: The Next Chapter, starring Jane Fonda (85), Candice Bergen (77), Diane Keaton (77), and Mary Steenburgen (70).
I had no idea walking into the theater that this film would resolve any lingering doubts I have about publishing the soon-to-be-released Divabetic’s ebook about intimacy and diabetes for women entitled Sweet Romance: A Woman’s Guide To Love & Intimacy With Diabetes by two leading experts, Janis Roszler MS, RD, LD/N, CDCES, FAND and Donna Rice MBA, BSN, RN, CDCES, FAADE. Hollywood’s crude depiction of older women only fueled my desire to provide accurate, honest, and friendly help about this important topic for women with diabetes.
I enjoyed the first film and looked forward to seeing the sequel. The new movie follows the journey of four best friends as they take their book club to Italy for the fun girls’ trip they never had. But it wasn’t as good as the first film.
After the movie, we went to a piano bar for dinner. There was a group of eight older women at a nearby table. None of these women resembled the four women we saw on screen. On top of being several dress sizes smaller than the group of piano bar women, the four movie stars were crude, constantly drinking alcohol, and seemed only interested in talking or having sex.
The film’s depiction of older women could have been more realistic. What I hoped would be an empowering big-screen event for a female ensemble cast whose average age is 77 is sadly a letdown. Plus, they barely discussed any books. What made the first film so much fun was seeing these four women find ease and comfort in talking about and experiencing intimacy after reading 50 Shades Of Grey.
The Nex Chapter’s plot focuses on eternally single Vivian (Fonda) getting married, and her best pals Diane (Keaton), Sharon (Bergen), and Carol (Steenburgen) take her on a bachelorette trip to Rome, Venice, where hijinks ensue. The trip’s inspiration comes from 1988’s mystical self-help parable, the Alchemist. The movie’s plot hinges on the book’s central theme of fate versus taking control of your destiny.
Unfortunately, Hollywood thinks America’s idea of entertainment is seeing old ladies misbehaving or talking dirty. This is why I feel it’s essential to publish our book and help women of a certain age living with diabetes get honest advice about sexual health issues.
Jane Fonda’s roles lately are all crude women with filthy mouths, just like Diane Keaton’s characters are all as cooky as her wardrobe on and off-screen.
Her dialogue consists of double-entendres such as, ‘Give him his credit, he’s 2,000 years old, and he’s still hard as a rock,’ when she looks at a Roman statue.
In reality, men with diabetes are three times more likely to have erectile dysfunction (ED). Getting older doesn’t cause ED, but it does increase your chance of getting it. It would have been interesting to see her character, Vivian, find creative solutions to coping with her lover, Don Johnson’s issues if he had ED in the bedroom.
As an older actress, she seems determined to show people that women over a certain age are still sexually active singlehandedly. Her film roles, Book Club, Book Club: The Next Chapter, and 80 For Brady, seem to exist for this sole purpose. I admire her work in the TV series Grace and Frankie for how she and her co-star, Lily Tomlin, handle this subject.
But on the big screen, Jane Fonda’s characters miss the mark. Candice Bergen, whose face and shape are the most realistic depiction of actual older women, seems unconvincingly comfortable having a one-night stand in a Venetian gondola.
On the one hand, I want to say, “Good for her,” but on the other hand, I want to point out how unrealistic and irresponsible this scene is. For one thing, there’s no mention of condoms. As a gay man living in San Francisco during the height of the AIDS crisis, I was constantly told by friends and strangers to use protection. Sadly, people who gave me the advice seem to not heed it for themselves.
Statistics published in 2018 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have shown that the number of new HIV infections is growing faster in individuals over 50 than in people 40 years and under,and HIV may be the tip of the iceberg.
Older Women and Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)
The aging process also puts older adults at greater risk for STDs. The immune system declines as people age, making them more susceptible to infectious diseases.
After menopause, women’s vaginal tissues thin, and natural lubrication decreases. This can increase the risk of micro-tears and sexual transmission of certain diseases such as HIV/AIDS.
Secondly, the lack of natural lubrication, often called ‘vaginal dryness’ in older women, is common. This is especially true for women with diabetes. If you’re experiencing vaginal dryness, then sex will be painful, regardless if you’re in a bed or on a gondola.
Hollywood’s constant stream of unrealistic portrayals of real-life older women is more reason for accurate, friendly information about intimacy for women with diabetes. Hopefully, when it’s available, you will download a copy of Divabetic’s upcoming ebook, Sweet Romance, on Amazon.
Can’t wait for the book to come out? Need advice now?
Tune in to this Divabetic podcast; Mr. Divabetic explores issues of love, intimacy, and diabetes on this special one-hour podcast. Both type 1 and type 2 diabetes can lead to sexual health complications, including vaginal dryness, sensation, and performance. Up to 50% of men and 25% of women may experience some sexual problem or a loss of sex drive.
Don’t equate sexual performance with love or a fulfilling relationship; focus on letting your partner know you care and want to give pleasure as part of your relationship.
Mr. Divabetic’s Guests include Best-Selling Author Lisa Eugene, Jennifer Martsolf from Trigg Laboratories (the makers of Wet Lubricants), and Janis Roszler MS, RD, LD/N, CDCES, FAND (2008-2009 Diabetes Educator of the Year (AADE).
Suppose you or your partner is experiencing sexual difficulties. In that case, you may find it helpful to meet with a mental health professional, such as a psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker, marriage counselor, or sex therapist. These professionals can help you learn how to reduce stress and change behaviors and attitudes, mainly when impotence is caused by stress or other mental health issues.
GLAM MORE FEAR LESS: Join Divabetic’s growing Facebook and Twitter communities. We’re celebrating almost 20 years of presenting diabetes educational outreach that dazzles!
We’re talking about the 8 Types of Intimacy with special guest: Janis Roszler on Divabetic’s free Indoor Scavenger Hunt & Smoothie Party on Zoom on Thursday, July 16, 2020, 7 – 7:30 PM, EST. Register
How does the fact that you have (your partner has) diabetes affect your relationship with your partner, positively and/or negatively?
Many people readily admit that living with diabetes can complicate and strain even the most loving and open relationships. The mood swings and emotional demands of diabetes can affect relationships with friends, family, co-workers and partners. Having a chronic disease can both increase the need for emotional support and increase the potential for frustration and tension.
Thanks to Shwa Hall for sharing their work on Unsplash.
No two relationships are exactly alike. However, different types of relationships have certain things in common. This might mean the types of feelings involved, the style of sex and intimacy of the couple, or even whether or not they live together.
We tend to focus on the sexual component in romantic relationships whereas but there are actually 8 different types of intimacy. Learning what they are can help you evaluate your relationship and what you can do to make your relationship a more intimate one.
8 Types of Intimacy
Affection (not sexual):Thank your partner for something they do. Say, “I love you” or “I’m so glad we are together.” Give them a hug and quick kiss when they arrive home from work.
Physical (not sexual):Go for a walk, swim, or bike ride together. If you have a ping pong table, challenge your partner to a game or two.
Aesthetic:Go outside and watch the sunset together. Stroll through an art gallery and view the paintings. Join your partner in the den and ask Alexa to play a song you both enjoy.
Spiritual:Pray or meditate together. Discuss a spiritual topic, attend church or synagogue together
Intellectual:If you share political views, discuss the 2020 election. Or, talk about a topic you recently heard or read about.
Social:Go out to a restaurant, see a movie, double date with friends, etc.
Emotional:Share your feelings about something.
Sexual:Shower together, share a bubble bath, or more.
Janis Roszler MFT, RD, LD/N, CDCES, FAND will be sharing insight about the 8 types of intimacy during Divabetic’s Zoom Party. Janis is the AADE 2008-2009 Diabetes Educator of the Year 2008 -2009, Board Certified Sex Therapist, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Fellow of the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics andAuthor and/or Co-Author of: Intimacy & Diabetes (ADA, 2020); Approaches to Behavior (ADA,2015); Diabetes On Your OWN Terms (Marlowe & Company, 2007); Sex and Diabetes (ADA, 2007); The Secrets Of Living And Loving WITH Diabetes (Surrey Books, 2004).
If you have diabetes, you may be looking for guidance on this sensitive subject. Intimacy & Diabetes is here to give help and advice where you need it.
Intimacy & Diabetes by Janis Roszler, LMFT, RD, LD/N, CDE, FAND; and Donna Rice, MBA, BSN, RN, CDE, FAADE. e-book: $9.99
Mariah Carey’s iconic holiday song, ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ might be at the top of the music charts but ‘SEX’ is at the bottom of Santa’s list for women with diabetes this season.
https://youtu.be/qLyQdJQNhSQ
Vaginal dryness is the most common sexual issue for women who have diabetes and one of the reasons they choose not to have sex during the holidays. High blood sugar levels can harden the blood vessels in the vaginal wall. That can affect lubrication and make sex uncomfortable.
High blood sugar levels can cause nerve damage throughout the body can affect a woman’s ability to experience sexual stimulation and arousal.
Janis Roszler RD, CDE, LDN, the author of ‘SEX and Diabetes’answers your most asked questions about intimacy and diabetes including ‘Can I Lose Sensation in My Clitoris’ and ‘Why Viagra and Cigarettes Don’t Mix’ on December’s Diabetes Late Nite with music from Yolanda Adams.
Having diabetes and being in a relationship can prove to be a very complicated and delicate situation. Even if your relationship is strong, it can be stressful to deal with the complication. Janis Roszler and Donna Rice’s team up together to guide you on having an active, healthy sex life while having diabetes in ‘SEX and Diabetes’.
One listener, Meghan from Alberta, Canada, who is living with type 1 diabetes, wants to know if her neuropathy can cause her to lose sensation in her clitoris and vagina. If so, what can she do?
Janis Roszler’s response: It is possible for neuropathy to cause a loss of sensation in numerous areas of your body, but diabetes-related female sexual issues tend to be more likely when psychological issues are present. Unlike men with diabetes who may develop erection problems when they have neuropathy and heart complications, women’s sexual problems seem to be more linked to depression and other emotional challenges.
If you have lost some feeling in your clitoris and vaginal area, treat any depression that you may have. Explore ways to reduce the stress in your life and intimate relationship. Maintaining your blood sugar level in a healthy range can help you feel less stressed and more energized – work with your healthcare team to achieve that. Also, when engaging in sexual activities, don’t hesitate to use a lubricant that is made for vaginal use. It can help you enjoy greater sexual pleasure with less discomfort.
Sex is an important part of life and relationships. But diabetes can affect a woman’s sex life. Some women with diabetes have less interest in sex because of depression or changes in blood glucose levels that can leave them feeling tired or irritable. Or perhaps intercourse is painful because of vaginal dryness. Problems with having sex aren’t a normal part of getting older and don’t happen to all women who have diabetes.
If you find that you don’t enjoy sex anymore, it’s normal to feel upset. Find someone on your health care team to talk with. Learn about medicines or counseling that can help.
Janis Roszler, LMFT, RD, LD/N, CDE, FAND PhD is a candidate in Clinical Sexology, 2008-2009 Diabetes Educator of the Year (AADE) , Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and Fellow of the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics. Janis is the author and co-author of: Approaches to Behavior – Changing the dynamic between patients and professionals in diabetes care and education (ADA,2015); Diabetes On Your OWN Terms (Marlowe & Company, 2007); Sex and Diabetes (ADA, 2007); The Secrets Of Living And Loving WITH Diabetes (Surrey Books, 2004).
Janis Roszler’s Sex & Diabetesis the first book ever to deal exclusively with sexual problems as they relate to diabetes— and the only book to discuss issues that relate to both men and women. It also shows you how sexual problems can be prevented or delayed and discusses treatments options that currently exist. Sex & Diabetes highlights the value of communication between sexual partners and the importance of having an open relationship with healthcare professionals.
In The Secrets of Living and Loving with Diabetesthree experts deliver advice on issues such as handling nagging friends and relatives, injecting insulin discreetly while dining out, bringing up the subject of blood sugar highs and lows before turning out the bedroom lights, and avoiding diabetes urgencies becoming emergencies. Also included are practical tools like exercises, quizzes, questions, checklists, and coping strategies.
We’re talking about secret, hush hush topics in diabetes wellness such as intimacy issues, fears and food issues on Diabetes Late Nitewith musical inspiration from H.E.R. courtesy of SONY Music.
H.E.R. chooses to keep her identity a secret but that’s proving harder to do after winning Best New Artist and Best R&B Song Grammy Awards this past year. Mr. Divabetic’s guests include Janis Roszler LMFT, RD, LD/N, CDE, FAND, Cheryl Farley “Food as Medicine” Nutritionist, Dr. Dugan Maddux and the Charlie’s Angels of Outreach.
Diabetes Late Nite is a fast-paced, full-filled hour of diabetes education and wellness advice that encourages listeners to “laugh a little, learn a lot’.
Everyday Health spoke with heart doctors to find out the right questions to ask to maintain heart health, and why they matter.
Question 1: What is my risk of having a cardiovascular problem in the future?
Why You Should Ask Understanding your risk for future heart disease, stroke, aneurysm and the like drives much of your care. Someone whose cholesterol is borderline but who has diabetes and a family history of heart disease will need their cholesterol treated much more aggressively than someone with a lower risk, for example. READ MORE
Question 2: What symptoms might indicate a worsening of my specific condition?
Why You Should Ask You may think you know the symptoms for some conditions, like chest pain indicating a heart attack, but a large percentage of women, and even some men, never experience these signs. That’s why it’s important that your doctor goes over all the warning signs that are personalized for you. READ MORE
Question 3: How important do you think it is to adopt new treatments and procedures?
Why You Should Ask You don’t want a doctor who just jumps on the bandwagon because every new technique needs to be studied and confirmed. But equally important, you don’t want someone so stuck in their ways that you don’t receive the benefits of medical advances. READ MORE
Question 4: Why are you recommending I take this test?
Why You Should Ask Most tests are important but patients should ask whether a test is accurate and reproducible, and will lead to a specific recommendation or change in therapy. Guidelines for appropriate tests can be found in medical journals online; if you look up a prescribed test and have questions about its value, call the office to ask more questions. READ MORE
Question 5: Why are you prescribing this medication?
Why You Should Ask Doctors — not your friends or social media buddies — are best positioned to explain the pros and cons of a drug based on the science. READ MORE
Question 6: Will any changes in my lifestyle make a difference?
Why You Should Ask Cardiovascular disease is an area where changes in lifestyle — diet, exercise, stress reduction, sleep — can greatly impact the course of the condition.
For example, the Mediterranean diet — which is high in vegetables, fruits, and healthy fats, and low in saturated fats and added sugars — was shown to improve many of the risk factors associated with heart disease in a study published in December 2018 in JAMA Network. The right diet is especially important if you are overweight or obese.
Healthline created a guide outlining what treatment options are covered by Medicare for Seniors. Find out the different parts of Medicare and what services, medications, and treatment are included under each part:
We’re talking about ‘hush hush’ topics in diabetes wellness such as intimacy issues, fears and food phobias with musical inspiration from H.E.R. on Diabetes Late Nite courtesy of SONY Music.
H.E.R. chooses to keep her true identity a secret but that’s proving harder to do after winning Best New Artist and Best R&B Song Grammy Awards this past year.
Guests include Janis Roszler LMFT, RD, LD/N, CDE, FAND, Michael Priv, Cheryl Farley “Food as Medicine” Nutritionist, Dr. Dugan Maddux and the Charlie’s Angels of Outreach.
Throughout the podcast we will be playing music from H.E.R.’s “I Used To Know Her: The Prelude” album courtesy of SONY Music.
Diabetes Late Nite is a fast-paced, full-filled hour of diabetes education and wellness advice that encourages listeners to “laugh a little, learn a lot.
Some doctors will go over lifestyle information with you, while others will refer you to dietitians, physical therapists, and other professionals they work with. Be sure to talk to your cardiologist about lifestyle changes to develop a plan that works for you. READ MORE
February’s musical inspiration, superstar George Michael never shied away from singing about ‘sex’ and we’re not afraid to talk about it, especially when it relates to your diabetes life.
It doesn’t make much sense to button our lips about ‘sex’ when so many people with diabetes are struggling with sexual health issues.
At any given time an estimated 30 million American men experience impotence (erectile dysfunction), defined as the inability to achieve or maintain an erection sufficient for intercourse more frequent than one out of four times. Approximately 35 percent of women with diabetes may experience some form of sexual dysfunction related to their disease. And 50 to 70 percent of men and 40 to 50 percent of women living with diabetes health related complications may have sexual difficulties because of nerve damage.
If there’s a silver lining to be found in any of the above statistics its that sexual dysfunction doesn’t have to mean the end of sexual intimacy. By learning to communicate with your partner about bodily changes and other sexual issues and by learning to focus on your ability to give your partner pleasure, rather than on any impairment or limitations you may have, you can keep your love life alive.
1.Hug!Every day, hug your partner until you both feel relaxed. It’s a non-sexual hug that nurtures your emotional needs while it enriches your relationship.When you feel more connected, romantic moments get even better!
2.Do one romantic thing for your loved one each day – send a loving text, call to say you miss them, place a romantic note in their sink, buy their favorite food, etc.Show that you are thinking of them.Very romantic!
Learning to accept yourself for who you are is the most important step to self-love. Stop comparing yourself to others and learn to embrace the person you are.
You have beautiful qualities, both physical and emotional, that draw people to you. You don’t need to look or talk or act like anyone else. We all offer the world something different. That’s what makes it so beautiful.
Lest our team of experts show you how to embrace Valentine’s Day without feeling like you’re compromising your diabetes self-care. Don’t let diabetes dim your Dazzle!
This podcast is part of Diabetes Podcast Week in support of the ‘Spare A Rose, Save A Child’ campaign. Please join us! #Dpodcastweek
