Let’s Talk About Sex! Book Club: The Next Chapter

Last night I took my mother to see the new film Book Club: The Next Chapter, starring Jane Fonda (85), Candice Bergen (77), Diane Keaton (77), and Mary Steenburgen (70).

I had no idea walking into the theater that this film would resolve any lingering doubts I have about publishing the soon-to-be-released Divabetic’s ebook about intimacy and diabetes for women entitled Sweet Romance: A Woman’s Guide To Love & Intimacy With Diabetes by two leading experts, Janis Roszler MS, RD, LD/N, CDCES, FAND and Donna Rice MBA, BSN, RN, CDCES, FAADE. Hollywood’s crude depiction of older women only fueled my desire to provide accurate, honest, and friendly help about this important topic for women with diabetes.
I enjoyed the first film and looked forward to seeing the sequel. The new movie follows the journey of four best friends as they take their book club to Italy for the fun girls’ trip they never had. But it wasn’t as good as the first film. 

After the movie, we went to a piano bar for dinner. There was a group of eight older women at a nearby table. None of these women resembled the four women we saw on screen. On top of being several dress sizes smaller than the group of piano bar women, the four movie stars were crude, constantly drinking alcohol, and seemed only interested in talking or having sex. 
The film’s depiction of older women could have been more realistic. What I hoped would be an empowering big-screen event for a female ensemble cast whose average age is 77 is sadly a letdown. Plus, they barely discussed any books. What made the first film so much fun was seeing these four women find ease and comfort in talking about and experiencing intimacy after reading 50 Shades Of Grey.

The Nex Chapter’s plot focuses on eternally single Vivian (Fonda)  getting married, and her best pals Diane (Keaton), Sharon (Bergen), and Carol (Steenburgen) take her on a bachelorette trip to Rome, Venice, where hijinks ensue. The trip’s inspiration comes from 1988’s mystical self-help parable, the Alchemist.  The movie’s plot hinges on the book’s central theme of fate versus taking control of your destiny.
Unfortunately, Hollywood thinks America’s idea of entertainment is seeing old ladies misbehaving or talking dirty. This is why I feel it’s essential to publish our book and help women of a certain age living with diabetes get honest advice about sexual health issues. 
Jane Fonda’s roles lately are all crude women with filthy mouths, just like Diane Keaton’s characters are all as cooky as her wardrobe on and off-screen.
Her dialogue consists of double-entendres such as, ‘Give him his credit, he’s 2,000 years old, and he’s still hard as a rock,’ when she looks at a Roman statue.
In reality,  men with diabetes are three times more likely to have erectile dysfunction (ED). Getting older doesn’t cause ED, but it does increase your chance of getting it. It would have been interesting to see her character, Vivian, find creative solutions to coping with her lover, Don Johnson’s issues if he had ED in the bedroom.
As an older actress, she seems determined to show people that women over a certain age are still sexually active singlehandedly. Her film roles, Book Club, Book Club: The Next Chapter, and 80 For Brady, seem to exist for this sole purpose.  I admire her work in the TV series Grace and  Frankie for how she and her co-star, Lily Tomlin, handle this subject.
But on the big screen, Jane Fonda’s characters miss the mark. Candice Bergen, whose face and shape are the most realistic depiction of actual older women, seems unconvincingly comfortable having a one-night stand in a Venetian gondola. 
On the one hand, I want to say, “Good for her,” but on the other hand, I want to point out how unrealistic and irresponsible this scene is. For one thing, there’s no mention of condoms. As a gay man living in San Francisco during the height of the AIDS crisis, I was constantly told by friends and strangers to use protection. Sadly, people who gave me the advice seem to not heed it for themselves. 
Statistics published in 2018 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have shown that the number of new HIV infections is growing faster in individuals over 50 than in people 40 years and under,and HIV may be the tip of the iceberg.
Older Women and Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)
The aging process also puts older adults at greater risk for STDs. The immune system declines as people age, making them more susceptible to infectious diseases. 
After menopause, women’s vaginal tissues thin, and natural lubrication decreases. This can increase the risk of micro-tears and sexual transmission of certain diseases such as ​HIV/AIDS.
Secondly, the lack of natural lubrication, often called ‘vaginal dryness’ in older women, is common. This is especially true for women with diabetes. If you’re experiencing vaginal dryness, then sex will be painful, regardless if you’re in a bed or on a gondola. 
Hollywood’s constant stream of unrealistic portrayals of real-life older women is more reason for accurate, friendly information about intimacy for women with diabetes. Hopefully, when it’s available, you will download a copy of Divabetic’s upcoming ebook, Sweet Romance, on Amazon.

Can’t wait for the book to come out? Need advice now?

Tune in to this Divabetic podcast; Mr. Divabetic explores issues of love, intimacy, and diabetes on this special one-hour podcast. Both type 1 and type 2 diabetes can lead to sexual health complications, including vaginal dryness, sensation, and performance. Up to 50% of men and 25% of women may experience some sexual problem or a loss of sex drive.

Don’t equate sexual performance with love or a fulfilling relationship; focus on letting your partner know you care and want to give pleasure as part of your relationship.

Mr. Divabetic’s Guests include Best-Selling Author Lisa EugeneJennifer Martsolf from Trigg Laboratories (the makers of Wet Lubricants), and Janis Roszler MS, RD, LD/N, CDCES, FAND (2008-2009 Diabetes Educator of the Year (AADE).

Suppose you or your partner is experiencing sexual difficulties. In that case, you may find it helpful to meet with a mental health professional, such as a psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker, marriage counselor, or sex therapist. These professionals can help you learn how to reduce stress and change behaviors and attitudes, mainly when impotence is caused by stress or other mental health issues.

GLAM MORE FEAR LESS: Join Divabetic’s growing Facebook and Twitter communities. We’re celebrating almost 20 years of presenting diabetes educational outreach that dazzles!

Don’t Let Diabetes Kill Romance Podcast

Mr. Divabetic explores issues of love, intimacy, and diabetes on this special one-hour podcast. Guests include Best-Selling Author Lisa Eugene, Jennifer Martsolf from Trigg Laboratories (the makers of Wet Lubricants), and board-certified sex therapist, licensed marriage and family therapist, licensed dietitian/nutritionist and certified diabetes care and education specialist Dr. Janis Roszler MS, RD, LD/N, CDCES, FAND (2008-2009 Diabetes Educator of the Year (AADE).
 
If you or your partner is experiencing sexual health issues or difficulties, you may find it helpful to meet with a mental health professional, such as a psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker, marriage counselor, or sex therapist.
 
These professionals can help you learn how to reduce stress and change behaviors and attitudes, particularly when impotence is caused by stress or other mental health issues.
Quick Tip: With diabetes, it’s best to avoid lubes containing glycerine because they can promote yeast infections (vaginitis). 

Don’t Let Diabetes Hinder Your Romance Advice

‘Diabetes & Intimacy’ Co-Author Janis Roszler, LMFT, RD, LD/N, CDE, FAND answers our questions about how diabetes can impact our sex lives on February’s Divabetic Diabetes Late Nite podcast.

Diabetes can cause numerous problems in the bedroom, including erection challenges, reduced libido, vaginal dryness, pain during intercourse, orgasm difficulties, and mood swings. If you experienced a diabetes-related weight gain or have marks on your skin from blood sugar checks, insulin pump infusion sets and/or injections, you may also feel uncomfortable having a sexual partner see you undressed.

Fortunately, there are many things you can do to reclaim your mojo and enjoy sexual activity again. Tune in for Janis’s advice on how to resolve 3 of the most common problems facing couples with diabetes in the bedroom.

Janis Roszler is a board certified sex therapist, licensed marriage and family therapist and award-winning diabetes educator.

 

One of Janis Roslzer’s Tips For Reclaiming Your Mojo

Janis recommends following the Mediterranean Diet. She  shared in an article for Modern Intimacy that research has shown that choosing foods according to this plan can reduce the risk of sexual complications in people with type 2 diabetes.

The Mediterranean Diet means eating lots of vegetables, fruits, herbs, nuts, beans and whole grains. Meals are built around these plant-based foods. Moderate amounts of dairy, poultry and eggs are also central to the Mediterranean Diet, as is seafood. In contrast, red meat, sugar-sweetened beverages, added sugars, refined grains, refined oils and other highly processed foods are avoided. 

Authors Janis Roszler and Donna Rice use humor, helpful examples, and insightful questions to present key topics about sexual health in an engaging, approachable way. ‘Intimacy & Diabetes’ is perfect for anyone (regardless of gender, sexual orientation, age, or health status) looking to rekindle intimacy with their partner or be proactive about their sexual and emotional wellbeing. Intimacy & Diabetes is your key to a happy, healthy intimate life with diabetes.

Love New Recipes?

Join the happy healthcare host, Mr. Divabetic for this free Virtual Cooking Party with special guest, Registered Dietitian and Certified Diabetes Educator Jill Weisenberger MS, RDN, CDE, CHWC, FAND on Zoom on Tuesday, March 2, 2021, 7-8 PM, EST. Jill shares her favorite quinoa recipes with us!

REGISTER NOW – FREE REGISTRATION 

8 Types of Intimacy with Janis Roszler

Photo by Shwa Hall on Unsplash

We’re talking about the 8 Types of Intimacy with special guest: Janis Roszler on Divabetic’s free Indoor Scavenger Hunt & Smoothie Party on Zoom on Thursday, July 16, 2020, 7 – 7:30 PM, EST. Register

How does the fact that you have (your partner has) diabetes affect your relationship with your partner, positively and/or negatively?

Many people readily admit that living with diabetes can complicate and strain even the most loving and open relationships. The mood swings and emotional demands of diabetes can affect relationships with friends, family, co-workers and partners. Having a chronic disease can both increase the need for emotional support and increase the potential for frustration and tension.

Photo by Shwa Hall on Unsplash
Thanks to Shwa Hall for sharing their work on Unsplash.

No two relationships are exactly alike. However, different types of relationships have certain things in common. This might mean the types of feelings involved, the style of sex and intimacy of the couple, or even whether or not they live together.

We tend to focus on the sexual component in romantic relationships whereas but there are actually 8 different types of intimacy. Learning what they are can  help you evaluate your relationship and what you can do to make your relationship a more intimate one.

8 Types of Intimacy

  1. Affection (not sexual): Thank your partner for something they do. Say, “I love you” or “I’m so glad we are together.” Give them a hug and quick kiss when they arrive home from work.
  2. Physical (not sexual): Go for a walk, swim, or bike ride together. If you have a ping pong table, challenge your partner to a game or two.
  3. Aesthetic: Go outside and watch the sunset together. Stroll through an art gallery and view the paintings. Join your partner in the den and ask Alexa to play a song you both enjoy.
  4. Spiritual: Pray or meditate together.  Discuss a spiritual topic, attend church or synagogue together
  5. Intellectual: If you share political views, discuss the 2020 election.  Or, talk about a topic you recently heard or read about.
  6. Social: Go out to a restaurant, see a movie, double date with friends, etc.
  7. Emotional: Share your feelings about something.
  8. Sexual: Shower together, share a bubble bath, or more.

Janis Roszler  MFT, RD, LD/N, CDCES, FAND will be sharing insight about the 8 types of intimacy during Divabetic’s Zoom Party. Janis is  the AADE 2008-2009 Diabetes Educator of the Year 2008 -2009,  Board Certified Sex Therapist, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Fellow of the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics and Author and/or Co-Author of: Intimacy & Diabetes (ADA, 2020); Approaches to Behavior (ADA,2015); Diabetes On Your OWN Terms (Marlowe & Company, 2007); Sex and Diabetes (ADA, 2007); The Secrets Of Living And Loving WITH Diabetes (Surrey Books, 2004).

If you have diabetes, you may be looking for guidance on this sensitive subject. Intimacy & Diabetes is here to give help and advice where you need it.

Intimacy & Diabetes by Janis Roszler, LMFT, RD, LD/N, CDE, FAND; and Donna Rice, MBA, BSN, RN, CDE, FAADE. e-book: $9.99

BUY NOW

 

Lubes with Glycerin Are A Big ‘No No’ for Women with Diabetes

We spoke to Janis Roszler LMFT, RD, LD/N, CDE, FAND on May’s Diabetes Late Nite podcast about ‘sex and intimacy issues’ for men and women with diabetes. LISTEN NOW

During the conversation we discussed that it’s common for women with diabetes to experience vaginal dryness. For this reason, lubricants can be a lifesaver in the bedroom. But if you pick the wrong one, it can be seriously harmful to your diabetes health.

Women with diabetes should avoid lubricants containing glycerin, a sugar alcohol. Too much of this sugar alcohol can lead to bacterial growth and  yeast infections and UTIs.

Something to keep in mind is that many organic lubes or other glycerin free lubes use sweeteners other than sugar, such as aspartame. While this is great for those who cannot have sugar, others should keep this in mind as some people have negative reactions to aspartame. Knowing your own body and its reactions to various chemicals, and even natural sweeteners, can help you to make better decisions about the type or brand of lube you want to use.

One of the safest bets for women with diabetes is a high quality silicone lubricant. No studies have shown people having reactions to pure silicone lubricant, and many higher end versions, just as Pjur Bodyglide and Gun Oil only have four or five ingredients, most of them different types of silicone or silicone blends.

Liquid Silk and Play are two brands of water-based lubricant that do not contain glycerin.

Romantic relationships play an important role in our everyday lives. When diabetes enters the picture, it can complicate and strain even the most loving and open relationships. If you have diabetes, you may be looking for guidance on this sensitive subject – Janis Roszler and Donna Rice MBA, BSN, RN, CDE’s book, Sex and Diabetes is here to give help and advice where you need it. Don’t let diabetes hinder the romance; Sex and Diabetes can help you discover how to rekindle the intimacy with your partner.

We’re talking about ‘hush hush’ topics in diabetes wellness such as intimacy issues, fears and food phobias on Diabetes Late Nite with musical inspiration from H.E.R. courtesy of SONY Music.

H.E.R. chooses to keep her true identity a secret but that’s proving harder to do after winning Best New Artist and Best R&B Song Grammy Awards this past year.

Guests include Janis Roszler LMFT, RD, LD/N, CDE, FAND, Cheryl Farley “Food as Medicine” Nutritionist, Dr. Dugan Maddux and the Charlie’s Angels of Outreach. Throughout the podcast we will be playing music from H.E.R.’s “I Used To Know Her: The Prelude” album courtesy of SONY Music.

Diabetes Late Nite is a fast-paced, full-filled hour of diabetes education and wellness advice that encourages listeners to “laugh a little, learn a  lot’.