House Is Not A Home

ince many of you might be watching the Luther: Never Too Much documentary on CNN, I wanted to take a moment to share a bit about my journey. After discovering Luther, after he suffered a stroke due to mismanaged type 2 diabetes, I felt driven to become a diabetes advocate.

I joined Luther’s mother, Mrs. Mary Ida Vandross, on the promotional tour for Luther’s album, Dance With My Father. Sadly, Luther suffered a stroke related to mismanaged type 2 diabetes before the album’s release.

It was a meaningful time as I shared updates about health with the media. After the tour wrapped up, I asked Mrs. Vandross if she’d be interested in participating in the first PSA for Divabetic, produced by my dear friend, Gay Ball O’Brien. Our shared loss made us a powerful team advocating for diabetes education and stroke prevention.

This path led me to found Divabetic.Org, a nonprofit dedicated to reaching out to those at risk, impacted by, and living with diabetes.

The phrase Divabetic is a combination of the word ‘diabetic’ with a ‘V’ for Vandross to celebrate all the divas that Luther loved.

Patti LaBelle, living well with type 2 diabetes, inspired me one night during a Luther Tribute concert in New York City. In the middle of her performance, she boldly declared, “I have diabetes. Diabetes doesn’t have me,” which really struck a chord with me. Her confidence and glamour made me think, “She’s not just a diabetic; she’s a diva!”

When I got home after the concert, I felt inspired to jot down the word “diabetic” in black ink and cleverly add a ‘v’ in red ink. At that moment, it hit me that the ‘v’ stands for Vandross!

A few months later, when I traveled to Philadelphia with Luther to visit his mother, Mrs. Mary Ida Vandross, guess who was there? Patti LaBelle!

I was thrilled to present her with the first Divabetic t-shirt and share how much she had motivated me. Over the years, she’s graciously called herself a ‘Divabetic,’ and it’s such an honor!

The mission of Divabetic is to transform lives by changing attitudes, boosting spirits, and encouraging hope and motivation for those living with, affected by, or at risk of diabetes.

I couldn’t turn my back on what happened; instead, I became determined to help Luther’s fans and others learn to keep their house a home and stay healthy.

I focus on preventing diabetes complications, promoting a team approach to self-management, and educating everyone about handling unexpected self-care crises.

Luther suffered a stroke in April 2003, and by November, I was busy selling Divabetic t-shirts with the slogan “Sugar’s The Bitch Not Me” to raise funds for diabetes organizations.

I also volunteered on the national diabetes TV show, d-life, and started offering free coaching classes with two inspiring women who live with type 1 diabetes.

Fast forward to 2006, and I was out there participating in health fairs across NYC, including the Apollo Theater. I hosted monthly diabetes education meetings with a certified educator and launched my first major program, Divabetic – Makeover Your Diabetes, with support from Novo Nordisk.

Over the next two years, my program gained recognition, becoming the highest-rated diabetes program for Novo Nordisk worldwide!

I continued to bring unique diabetes outreach to major cities, started a podcast, and created ‘man on the street’ videos to empower those living with diabetes.

I created the carbohydrate counting game, Carb Kitty, published the ebook, Sweet Romance: A Woman’s Guide to Love And Intimacy With Diabetes, and presented the art installation and outreach event, Plate Poetry, focused on emotional eating.

Divabetic’s Diabetes Plate Poetry “What’ s on Your Plate?” video describes the emotional experience of living with diabetes. An important component of diabetes self-management, but often unaddressed, is the topic of emotional well being.

The Divabetic Club empowers those living with diabetes through media to manage their lives in healthier ways. People living with diabetes face numerous challenges in managing their disease on a day- to- day basis. Divabetic wants to encourage these individuals to stay positive and healthy in their self-management.

Our mission to glamorize good health combines fitness, nutrition, style and positive energy.

Divabetic’s Luther Vandross Tribute podcasts aim to celebrate Luther’s musical legacay, share information on the emotions associated with managing diabetes and the underlying reasons attributed to those emotions, and encourage people to ‘keep their house a home’ by learning to prevent diabetes health-related complications from occurring.

I’ve had the pleasure of creating ten Divabetic mystery podcasts with the amazing Best-Selling Author Tonya Kappes!

It’s been such a rewarding experience to empower others through storytelling. Our goal is to encourage listeners to think like detectives when it comes to self-care issues. We help them search for clues regarding unexpected high and low blood sugar readings and report back to their healthcare providers.

After facing challenges, including being unwelcome at a prominent church for being gay, I found support in my volleyball league, Gotham Volleyball.

I launched the Coming Out Project to help others embrace their identities.

In 2017, after Alfa Anderson’s album release (featuring her When Luther Sings tribute song, I organized reunion concerts at Ashford & Simpson’s Sugar Bar in NYC to celebrate Luther’s musical family resulting in the creation of FANDROSS.

I also produced several Luther Tribute podcasts featuring Luther’s friends, peers, collaborators and health educators.

Working with Luther Vandross also inspired me musically. My first foray into lyric writing led to the Billboard Dance Chartting single, That Man Of Mine, with singer songwriter, Cindy Mizelle and backing vocals by Brenda White-King.

I co-wrote UK Soul Chart hit, Mama’s Kitchen Table and the holiday breakup ballad, Pink Champagne with musician, songwriter, producer Ivan Hampden Jr. and singer, songwriter Paulette McWilliams.

I teamed up with the dynamatic sister duo, Crystal Penny, and Ivan Hampden Jr., to pen, Standards, my tribule to the legendary female vocalists whose music compose the soundtrack of my life.

So, thank you all for your concern—I’m doing well, staying busy, and ready to present more diabetes outreach with dazzle this year

Yesterday I was interviewed about my experience finding my boss, Luther Vandross after he suffered a stroke in his apartment in 2003.

My memories of that day are still crystal clear. My experience fuels my passion for helping others at risk, affected by and living with diabetes, to ‘keep their house a home,’ specifically by learning how to prevent a diabetes health-related complication.

My learning curve about stroke prevention was dramatic, and I don’t wish that to be the case for anyone else.

Two minutes after Luther, who was lying on a gurney, was wheeled into emergency, the doctor came out to tell me that Luther’s stroke could be prevented. I was dumbfounded. Up until that moment, I didn’t know the link between stroke and mismanaged diabetes. I use ‘mismanaged diabetes’ because well-managed diabetes is the leading cause of nothing. In Luther’s case, he was not managing his type 2 diabetes when he suffered a stroke. Instead, numerous people and media like to solely blame his weight for the stroke. They never mention noncompliance as a risk factor too.

I assume Luther must have felt the sense of overwhelming failure after regaining 125 + pounds. Understandably, he might have avoided taking his diabetes medications, seeking out his healthcare providers, and asking for help from others. As a result, he was alone in his battle. I think that was a mistake.

Luther Vandross, at age 52, suffered a stroke on April 16, 2003. But, unfortunately, his healthy story is not unique. He suffered from diabetes and hypertension, and his weight seesawed between 180 and 320 pounds. Even the term ‘yo yo’ dieting seems a bit naive to me. Personally, I feel Luther suffered from disordered eating behavior. Most of us don’t take time to think about our eating habits like what, when, and why they eat.

Signs and symptoms of disordered eating may include, but are not limited to:

Frequent dieting, anxiety associated with specific foods, or meal skipping
Chronic weight fluctuations
Rigid rituals and routines surrounding food and exercise
Feelings of guilt and shame associated with eating
Preoccupation with food, weight, and body image that negatively impacts the quality of life
A feeling of loss of control around food, including compulsive eating habits
Using exercise, food restriction, fasting, or purging to “make up for bad foods” consumed

Disordered eating behaviors are treatable with the right resources and help. But many people who suffer from disordered eating patterns either minimize or do not fully realize the impact it has on their mental and physical health. Luther liked to joke about his eating behaviors and weight. Specifically, I feel Luther suffered from binge eating.

Binge eating disorder (BED) is characterized by recurrent episodes of eating large quantities of food (often very quickly and to the point of discomfort); a feeling of a loss of control during the binge; experiencing shame, distress or guilt afterward; and not regularly using unhealthy compensatory measures (e.g., purging) to counter the binge eating. It is the most common eating disorder in the United States.

Sadly, Luther and I never discussed his type 2 diabetes beyond the need to refill a prescription. I didn’t even know he had hypertension. So do I regret that I wasn’t more involved in his diabetes self-care? Absolutely! But it seems only Cher is capable of turning back time. So my time left on earth is dedicated to sharing my experience to inspire others.

We did discuss his weight. He asked me how I managed my weight. I told him that I exercised. When he said that he didn’t exercise, I suggested that he try step aerobics. Up until that point, Luther relied on liquid diets to maintain his weight loss. Ultimately, Luther liked step aerobics so much that we traveled on tour with a step aerobics instructor.

Unfortunately, his all-or-nothing approach to diet and exercise did not help. He could not practice moderation. I don’t think he is alone in that regard. My friend, High Voltage, abstains from added sugar because she believes her body reacts to added sugar like it’s a drug. She often compares the experience of sugar cravings to cocaine addiction. High Voltage can’t have one teaspoon of sugar and stop. Unfortunately, moderation is not the cure for everyone. Sadly, we choose to beat ourselves up and others for lacking the willpower to stop eating certain foods when the real culprit could be brain chemistry.

During the interview, I was asked if Luther experienced love. Unfortunately, I think he was lacking in self-love.

“If I’m emotionally distraught, then eating is my coping mechanism,” Luther Vandross told Britain’s Q magazine in 1991. “For what ails me, it seems to be the only thing that takes the edge off the pain.”

Strokes, the third-leading cause of death for all racial and ethnic groups, killed 18,884 African-Americans in 1999.

Also, in 1999, 11,927 African-Americans died from diabetes, the sixth-leading cause of death for African-Americans.

Divabetic’s Luther Vandross Tribute podcast guests include Lisa Fischer, Jason Miles, Jeff James, Patricia Addie-Gentle RN, CDE, and Chuck Flowers.

By the time Luther Vandross headed to the studio to record his fifth album Give Me the Reason in 1986, he’d become one of the most successful soul singers of the first half of the eighties. His four previous albums have been either certified platinum or double-platinum in America.

For Luther Vandross’ fifth album Give Me the Reason, the album comprised nine tracks including the hits: So Amazing, There’s Nothing Better Than Love, Stop To Love and Give Me The Reason.

Throughout the podcast, we will be featuring music from Luther Vandross’s Give Me The Reason album courtesy of SONY Music.

Tag: House Is Not A Home

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