Divabetic Cozy Mystery: Kill Me Madam, Part 1

It’s a bright and sunny morning on the island of Nantucket, Massachusetts. Part of what makes Nantucket a unique historic gem is its place on the map; as Herman Melville wrote in Moby-Dick, it is “away offshore.” Max has just returned from running an errand to join his friends in a small prep kitchen overlooking the beach. He and our team are busy doing food prep for his new recipe for Nantucket’s Decadent Desserts on Deck Baking Competition. Everyone is hoping that Max will stay out of trouble long enough to win the cash prize with one of his healthy dessert recipes.  

Tonya: Hey Max, now that you’re back from your shopping errand, let’s take these aprons off and go sightseeing!

Max: There’s no time, I’ve got to prepare for the competition. Mom, can you turn on the oven?

Tonya: You mean we travelled all this way to Nantucket just to be stuck in a kitchen?

Patricia: He’s only here to escape the bad press surrounding Sweet Sally Buttercup’s murder.

MaryAnn: And to prove he’s a serious baker.

Mama Rose Marie: And not a deranged killer, isn’t that right, dear?

Max: Those wouldn’t be my exact words, Mom!

Tonya: Sweet Sally took one sip of your kale hot cocoa and dropped dead. Big deal!

Max: We’ve gone over this. It wasn’t me. A lunatic poisoned my kale hot cocoa. I didn’t kill her.

Tonya: Details, details. Why do you insist on splitting hairs? You’re notorious! There’s even a ‘Killer Cocoa’ Twitter account dedicated to your mishaps.

MaryAnn: Yeah, it has 5 million followers.

Max: That’s precisely why I registered under a different name: Bartholomew Maxwell. I’m keeping my true identity a secret so they’ll judge me on my recipe and not my ‘notorious’ reputation.

Patricia: Running away from your past is a big mistake. It always catches up with you.

MaryAnn: Besides, someone is bound to recognize you – your picture’s been all over the media.

Max: Not if I compete in this costume – dressed as a pirate.

Patricia: Wait a minute! You think changing your name and wearing that stuffed parrot on your shoulder along with that eye patch, wig and beard can keep you out of trouble?

Max: It couldn’t hurt. My Fruit Suit is like a magnet for murder! Besides this competition is on an old pirate ship. I’ll blend in.

Mama Rose Marie: Son, you have finally lost your marbles. What do you think, Tonya?

Tonya: I think if he’s going to walk around dressed like Blackbeard, we should all get to dress up and change our names. This recipe of yours better be dee-licious.

Max: I’m packing all the flavor of a classic key lime pie into my dairy and gluten free, vegan recipe with a pecan pie crust!

Patricia: Smart ingredients! Pecans are low in carbs and can also reduce the risk of heart disease.

MaryAnn: Plus, they’re high in fiber and contain lots of vitamins and minerals.

Tonya: First of all, Max, it’s “pecawns” not “peecans”. And, it sounds way too healthy to win a Decadent Dessert competition.

Patricia: Well, many desserts contain butter and dark chocolate which are low in carbohydrates.

MaryAnn: But they can also have loads of sugar and flour, which are high in carbohydrates. There are healthy carbs—ones that are high in fiber and low in sugar, like fruits and vegetables—and then, the not-so-healthy carbs.

Tonya: What about rice, potatoes and flour? My sister-in-law won’t go near any white foods.

MaryAnn: Rice, potatoes and flour can still be part of a healthy diet. The key is moderation. And potato skins are a great source of potassium and fiber.

Max: Who cares about potato skins?  My pie crust is made out of finely chopped pecans that are loaded with nutrients. That’s why I ran out to buy a food processor. It’s going to help cut down on my prep time.

Tonya: You didn’t wear this disguise out in public, did you?

Max: No, I stopped by a costume shop on my way back. Luckily no one recognized me at the local baking store. You wouldn’t believe the outrageous prices!  Good thing, I got a deal. Actually it’s a weird story. This eccentric lady with ski poles sold me this brand new food processor right out of her trunk.

Mama Rose Marie: What was she doing with ski poles in the middle of summer!?

Max: Beats me. But she was a real lifesaver! Since someone, dropped voice (Tonya!) forgot to pack mine!

Tonya: Eccentric sounds about right if she was selling food processors out of her trunk!

Max: She told me she wins a new one every year in the Decadents Dessert competition. Enough chit chat. I’ve got to soak these cashews for the pie filling before we leave.

Tonya: You mean we finally get to explore the island, Max?

Max:  No, we’re meeting up with all the other competitors at a Peggy the Perky Pie Princess’s baking seminar. She’s famous for preventing baking disasters.

Tonya: Can she prevent your type of disasters?

TO BE CONTINUED