According to the Oxford dictionary, pride is “a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one’s own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.” And they give the example, “he takes great pride in his appearance”
Let’s face it – being overweight is not a trait that is “widely admired” in our culture. Nor is it considered an “achievement”. Quite the contrary, we tend to believe that excess weight is often the result of a lack of pride in one’s appearance. How, then, can we also preach that you should be proud of yourself no matter what you weigh? How can someone find a sense of pride, if that pride, by definition, is attached to some (undefined) achievement, or the admiration of others? How many people can say that they are admired for being overweight? Or that gaining 50 pounds is seen as a wonderful achievement?
And what about the issue of “health”? Pride aside, we also firmly believe that excess weight puts us at higher risk of developing a number of preventable conditions, such as Type 2 diabetes, heart disease, stroke, some cancers, back and knee pain, etc etc. And of course there is ample evidence that this is true, and everyone knows or has heard it. We can’t escape the messages from magazine ads and articles, pamphlets in the doctor’s office, the parade of tv shows showing the various horrors (physical and otherwise) of being fat. So, it is assumed that if someone is overweight, on some level they are knowingly putting themselves at higher risk. And how can you be proud of yourself under those circumstances? l believe therein lies the problem. How can l have pride in myself, my looks, my body, my size…when l “know” how dangerous and risky it is to be carrying extra weight?
I am an older woman of color, who has struggled with weight since childhood. I have also had type 1 diabetes for almost 40 years. Type 1 is the type that most people get early in life (aka juvenile diabetes), but l was not diagnosed until l was almost 30. I admit l am a “micromanager” when it comes to diabetes, and l think it has paid off, because just yesterday my endocrinologist told me that l am doing very well, with no sign of any complications. l am still overweight, but she has also told me that weight loss is NOT part of my treatment plan. She is more concerned that we protect my kidneys and my heart, by keeping my A1c at a safe level, and controlling blood pressure and cholesterol. I have to admit that l was surprised when she first told me that, because l, like everyone else, bought into the idea that if l wasn’t actively losing weight, or at least trying to, that l wasn’t “doing well”, or that l “wasn’t motivated”. I always thought that l should hang my head when the topic of weight was raised, and be prepared for “the lecture” about how l needed to do more or do better. Was l counting my carbs right? Was l measuring? Was l trying to use the stairs instead of the elevator? Was l prepared for the pejorative face that many health professionals make when they listen to your “excuses” about your size?
As l sat in the waiting room, every magazine on the table had some headline article on the cover declaring “Lose 10 Pounds in A Week”; “Miracle Diet Helps Curb Your Appetite”; “Slim Down the Easy Way”; “How l Lost 100 Pounds and Gained a Husband”. I went back to reading a novel on my Kindle as l waited to be seen. Looking around the waiting room, l began to start comparing myself to everyone else, even though l have no idea what issues they are dealing with, or where they are on their journey. And what’s worse, l’m sure they are also looking at and judging ME.
And then, l thought of the ultimate paradox…we are told that we should love and be proud of our bodies, no matter what size they are and what they look like. How is that even possible, given so much opinion to the contrary? Even as l wait to see my endocrinologist, my pride is challenged by the messages in her very office. Although she herself tells me not to concern myself with my weight! She says that l am doing well and my health is good.
Frankly, l’m tired of the whole conversation. l’m tired of being made to feel somehow inadequate. l’m tired of being seen as lazy, or unmotivated. l’m tired of comparing myself to others. l’m tired of the labels. l’m tired of trying to explain the difference between type 1 and type 2 diabetes, and how my pancreas simply does not work, and my having diabetes is not a result of my poor eating habits. l’m tired of women judging other women. l’m tired of men asking me what l think about women judging other women. And then here comes Jillian Michaels. Why should l care what she says about Lizzo? Why should Lizzo care? Who are these people, anyway? (l literally did not know who either of them was until l was asked to write this.)
Well, they’re the same people who are sitting in my doctor’s waiting room, and working in my doctor’s office, and standing in line next to me in the supermarket, looking in my cart to see if l’m buying “fattening” foods. These people are everywhere and guess what? They have a right to think whatever they choose to think. But can we please stop making it a big deal? Believe what you want. Do what you think is best for you. Make your decisions based on your trusted sources. As the Oxford dictionary says, take pride in your appearance. Your hair, your skin, your clothes. l think the only way to combat this sort of conversation is to stop having it.
Am l proud of myself? Yes. l have had diabetes for well over half of my life. And no complications. l worked over 40 years, until l reached retirement age, and never took a leave because of illness. I earned a master’s degree summa cum laude, while working full time and caring for 3 elderly relatives. l live in a beautiful new home, drive a sexy convertible, and maintain a comfortable lifestyle. Plus, l have a part-time counseling practice that provides extra income, and hopefully helps people improve their coping skills. Am l proud of me? Hell yes. And l have learned to live by an important concept: what you think of me is none of my business. You’re entitled to your opinion, but it does not concern me one bit. Nor does it require a response. Are you listening Jillian?
Lorraine Brooks wrote this blog post. She shares her poetry on Divabetic’s monthly podcast, Diabetes Late Nite. Lorraine Brooks takes an earthy, often wildly comic and unembarrassed look at life’s frailties; from natural disasters to lusty encounters in her book, Riding the Wave. Her words denote a simple bravery of style.
BUY NOW
We’re talking about how to minimize the drama in our diabetes lives with music from the ultimate diva, Maria Callas on January’s Diabetes Late Nite podcast.
Maria Callas changed the way we listen to opera—and charged the ambition of the singers who followed her. Her ability to interpret a wide variety of different roles truly set her apart, establishing her as a phenomenon, an operatic diva. She was able to fully exploit the dramatic strength of her low vocal range as much as the high and bright notes of her high range.
Opera takes any type of dramatic story and tries to make it more exciting and more believable with the help of music. Symptoms and situations related to diabetes are often dramatic and come on very suddenly. But how do you react to them? Are you ‘drama queen’?
If there’s drama in multiple areas of your diabetes life, be honest with yourself—you’re the constant. Are you creating it? We don’t do anything repeatedly unless there’s something in it for us, so, what’s the payoff?
Every time we find ourselves immersed in something that seems overwhelming, we have an opportunity to learn how to deal with challenges better.
Guests include Dr. Wendy Satin Rapaport PhD, Jill Weisenberger MS, RDN, CDE, CHWC, FAND, Lorraine Brooks, American Heart and American Diabetes Association’s Know Diabetes By Heart Ambassador Rob Taub, Yoga for Diabetes Author and Director Rachel Zinman and Patricia Addie-Gentle RN,CDE.
Throughout the podcast we will be featuring music from the Grandiose Stimmen: Maria Callas album courtesy of SONY Music.