Divabetic Cozy Mystery: Kill Me Madam, Part 6

Our team boards the Tall Ship Lynx for the Decadent Desserts on Deck Baking Competition. The Lynx was one of the first ships to defend America’s freedom by evading the British naval fleet.

After a moment of silence for Britannia Coffin the competition begins. 

Even in a fog of ginger, cinnamon, and chocolate, Max stands out from the rest of the competitors. He’s wearing a pirate disguise – in fact, he’s the only one in a costume. Max starts his preparations in hope of fulfilling his ultimate dream of becoming the next Food Network star.

Max: Tonya! Stop calling me Davy Jones.

Tonya: For Pete’s Sakes, Max. Your outfit is scaring all the children!

Mama Rose Marie: Now, now, dear. It’s time to focus on your pie recipe. I’m so glad that Millicent convinced them not to cancel the competition.

Tonya: People are lining up to take selfies with Britannia’s Nordic poles! This competition is great!

Max: For once I agree with you, Tonya – It is great. I’m sure to win with the velvet smoothness of the key lime cashew filling, and the crunchy pecan pie crust – YUM!

Tonya: I wasn’t talking about your pie, Max. I meant this competition is helping us solve the murder. I’ve overheard several people talking about how much they hated Britannia. Now where do you think Loretta is on this boat?

Max: Stop bothering me. I need to pay attention to chopping these nuts. This knife is sharp.

Tonya: Where’s your snazzy food processor?

Max: I stashed it below the deck. I don’t want anyone to see it. They might put two and two together and link me to the murder.

Tonya: Avoidance behavior is only going to make matters worse, Max. You should use it. With any luck, the killer will come forward once they see it!

Mama Rose Marie: She has a point, dear.

Max: Neither one of you really believes in me or in my baking ability. You just wanted me to be a decoy to catch the killer.

Mama Rose Marie Now, son, I think the hot sun’s getting to you.

Max: Prove it. Say something nice about my baking.

Tonya: Umm, You always get the oven temperature right.

Max: And . . .?

Tonya: Uh, Max. Rose Marie, help me out here? That knife he’s pointing at me is really sharp.

Mama Rose Marie: You’re good at measuring ingredients, son. Really wonderful!

Max: Well … I’ve got some news for you two.  My baking skills are ten times better than your detective skills. Otherwise, one of you would have realized by now that I wasn’t the last person to see Britannia Coffin alive.

Mama Rose Marie: What? How can you be sure?

Max: Britannia had her walking poles with her when she sold me the food processor. If I had been the last person to see her alive then why were they in Goldie’s umbrella stand? Obviously she met someone else. And whoever that person is, is the killer! Now, go bother someone else, let me focus on winning.

Patricia: (interrupting) Maa … I mean Bartholomew, one of the celebrity judges is Renata Whisk from last year’s Gingerbread Men competition. Doesn’t she hate you?

Max: How much more can I take?

MaryAnn: Right now, she is on the other side of the deck waving that police sketch of you around. She’s telling everyone about how your poisoned kale hot cocoa  killed everyone’s favorite TV chef, Sweet Sally Buttercup!

Patricia: Max, that silly pirate costume won’t stop Renata from recognizing you!

Max: What should I do?

Tonya: Did you bring any extra pirate costumes for us?

Max: They’re over there in a bag. Why?

Tonya: We’re going to put them on and get off this boat now. We’ll hightail it to Britannia’s mansion before Renata can blow your cover and you’re arrested. Let’s go Captain Bartholomew!

TO BE CONTINUED 

Divabetic’s Mystery podcast, Kill Me Madam, cast includes USA Best-Selling Author Tonya Kappes, Patricia Addie-Gentle RN, CDE, MaryAnn Horst-Nicolay MEd, NDRT, Lorraine Brooks, Catherine Schuller, Wendy Radford, Coach The Cure‘s Trisha Artman, Mama Rose Marie, Seveda Williams, and Max ‘Mr. Divabetic’ Szadek. Produced by Leisa Chester-Weir.

Throughout the podcast we will be featuring music from the Broadway Cast Album of ‘Call Me Madam’ courtesy of SONY Music.

 

Looking for a fun way to socialize without putting your diabetes wellness at risk? Do you need a little help staying on track with your diabetes self-care?

Join the happy healthcare host, Mr. Divabetic for this free, fun Tea Party with special guests, Divabetic Image & Style Advisor Catherine Schuller, Tessie’s Teas’ owner Rose Hall and Harlem Heaven’s Hats owner Evetta Petty on Tuesday, November 17, 2020, 7 – 8 PM, EST on Zoom.

FREE REGISTER – REGISTER NOW 

 

Divabetic Cozy Mystery: Kill Me Madam, Part 3

Britannia Coffin’s death was NO accident. The police have determined that she was murdered! Britannia’s body was discovered near the dumpster in The Kitchen Island parking lot, and it was covered in cash! Apparently, the store was also robbed. The police found Millicent Merriweather, the Kitchen Island store shop owner, locked in the storeroom. The store’s cash register had also been emptied. 

This is big news! The death of a member of one of Nantucket’s founding families coupled with this robbery has the whole town buzzing. And everyone, except Max, is glued to the TV and radio for the latest updates. 

Max: Oh, well, I bet  the competition is going to be canceled. We’d better pack up and head back to New York.

Tonya: Max, we can’t leave now. You might have been the last person to see Britannia Coffin alive.

MaryAnn: That’s true. An eyewitness reported seeing a suspicious man with Britannia in the parking lot right before she was killed. The police think he’s the murderer!

Patricia: That sounds like it could be you!

Max: But I’m innocent.

Mama Rose Marie: Son, if you are a suspect in one more murder, we’re going to have to buy a getaway car!

Patricia: Hey, Max, what are those receipts sticking out of your pocket?

MaryAnn: Let me see, this one’s an herbal pain reliever. They seem harmless on TV but they can interact with other medications and cause problems.

Patricia: I advise my patients to always consult with their doctors before buying them.

MaryAnn: And this receipt is for Botox injections.

Max: What? That’s not mine. I don’t know where that came from.

Patricia: Botox isn’t just for wrinkles, silly. It’s also used to ease hand and foot pain caused by nerve damage. Given her health issues, it must be Britannia’s!

MaryAnn: There’s a list of dates, times and numbers on the back of this receipt. It looks like Britannia must’ve been logging her blood sugars.

Patricia: Good for her! Diabetes and data go hand in hand. Without data it’s hard to know what to change and where to focus on in your self-care management.

MaryAnn: Keeping your blood sugars within a range can help alleviate pain related to neuropathy.

Tonya: Wait! Maybe Britannia stuffed these receipts in your pocket on purpose. They’re clues! In my book, Fixin’ to Die, my character, Kenni Lowry nabs the culprits and solves the murder using clues just like these.

Mama Rose Marie: We should turn them over to the police.

Max: No, if we go to the police they’ll find out who I really am and then it will be all over the papers just like it was in New York.

MaryAnn: It’s a good thing you put on that pirate costume before anyone recognized you.

Max: This can’t be happening again. My baking career won’t survive another scandal.

Tonya: Then, our only option is to stay and solve this murder.

Max: Tonya. (pause)  I swear you left my food processor in New York just so something like this would happen.

Mama Rose Marie: Stop bickering you two and let’s put on our thinking caps. Max, who else was in the store when you were there?

Max: Just the owner and Britannia. Britannia was at the cash register when I walked in. Then, Britannia and I left together to go to her car.

Patricia: What about in the parking lot? Did you notice anything unusual?

Max: I got too distracted by all the shiny new food processors in her trunk. Oh, Wait!  As I was leaving, Britannia took a box out of the back seat and headed across the parking lot to the antique shop.

Tonya: What was in the box?

Max: I didn’t notice. I was in a hurry to get back to the prep kitchen.

MaryAnn: Hold on a second, didn’t Peggy tell us Britannia rarely left her house because of her neuropathy?

Patricia: She sure did!  Maybe Peggy lied to us to protect someone?

Tonya: You mean like her husband, Floyd? Peggy said his lobster business wasn’t doing well and the news reports  said Britannia Coffin was rich. Money is always the top motive for murder in my novels!

MaryAnn: Well, if Peggy wasn’t lying to us, then Britannia must have had a pretty compelling reason to leave her house this morning  if she was in pain.

Mama Rose Marie: Whatever’s in that box might tell us. We’d better head over to the antique shop and find out.

Max: No, no, no! This is exactly why I left New York. Please, I don’t want to get mixed up in any more murders.

Tanya: Too late. Let’s retrace your steps and get to the crime scene.

Narrator: Our team heads over to the Petticoat Row Shopping district where The Kitchen Island store is located. 

The women-run retail district, Petticoat Row, on Centre Street was an entirely post–Civil War institution, which developed in the 1860s and lasted into the 1930s. It comprised between two and twelve businesses at a time and involved about thirty female proprietors in all. While whaling created conditions that led some island women to enter the commercial sphere, it was actually the economic and population disruptions that followed the collapse of whaling that brought Nantucket women into the paid workforce in significant numbers.

The Kitchen Island is a quaint baking store packed with tableware, cooking tools, appliances and recipe books as well as delicious pastries. The stylish owner, who just happens to be one of the Decadent Desserts on Deck sponsors, is Millicent Merriweather. 

SOUND EFFECT: store bells

Narrator: After exchanging pleasantries, our team gets down to business with their investigation. 

Tonya:  Millicent, was Britannia in your store for any particular reason?

Millicent: She was bargain hunting for a new zester.

MaryAnn: If she loved a bargain, I’ll bet she also saved money by buying generic medications like Metformin for her diabetes. It’s just as safe and effective as the brand name but it costs a whole lot less.

Millicent: Oh who knows; all she wanted to talk about was entering her famous lemon meringue pie in today’s competition.

MaryAnn: Are you sure? The Perky Pie Princess told us Britannia had dropped out.

Millicent: And you believed Peggy? I wouldn’t trust anything she had to say about Britannia. Especially after what happened between them.

Max: I don’t trust her either after that crack she made calling me an amateur baker. But go on, tell us what happened?

Millicent: Peggy’s husband Floyd was involved in one of Britannia’s slip and fall scams. He lied on the stand. Britannia is the reason Floyd did jail time.

Mama Rose Marie: The big house really changes you; I should know.

Max:  Mom, what are you talking about? You were behind bars less than an hour.

Mama Rose Marie: Well, an hour in the pen feels like a lifetime.

Tonya: Do you two mind? Can Millicent finish what she was saying?

Millicent: Paying off the fines almost made Floyd lose the family’s lobster business. To make it worse, Britannia walked away scot free thanks to her high-powered lawyers.

Max: She sounds pretty devious to be scamming people with phony slip and fall lawsuits given her condition.

MaryAnn: Her neuropathy would make her more prone to fall. So how did they prove it was a scam?

Millicent: It turned out Britannia wasn’t using her Nordic poles that day like Floyd testified. The judge threw out the suit because Britannia hadn’t taken the necessary safety precautions.

Mama Rose Marie: Mmmm. My Bridge partner also suffers from neuropathy. Her doctor wants her to check her feet daily but she has difficulty bending over.

Patricia: Her doctor is concerned she could develop a bad infection if she cut her foot. A hand mirror can remedy that. By placing a mirror on the floor you can easily see the bottom of your feet.

Tonya: Anywho. . .was anyone else in the store with Britannia?

Millicent: Loretta Hussey. I overheard Britannia tell her to make room on her mantle for another second-place ribbon!

Patricia: Oooo! That must’ve made Loretta mad.

Tonya: Yeah, but mad enough to commit murder?

Millicent: She was furious. Britannia never missed an opportunity to ruffle Loretta’s feathers. Just last week Britannia announced she was going to sell all the Hussey family treasures. There’s motive enough for murder right there!

Patricia: What would give Britannia Coffin the right to sell Loretta Hussey’s family possessions?

Millicent: Britannia used to be married to Loretta’s older brother. She got the house and everything in it in the divorce settlement. Britannia was heartless. I heard Loretta say, “You’ll get what you deserve!” as she stormed out of my store.

Tonya: But wait! Wasn’t Britannia‘s murderer the same person who robbed you?

Millicent: Maybe – I did tell the police I saw a strange man in the parking lot right before Britannia was killed! He should be at the top of the list of suspects, right next to Loretta!

Max: Oh, no. That strange man had to be- (Tonya cuts me off)

Tonya: -Just one more question.

Millicent: Anything. The sooner Britannia’s killer is caught, the happier I’ll be.

Tonya: Can you think of anyone who would rob you?

Millicent: No. Like I told the police, whoever it was grabbed me from behind and in these high heels, I lost my balance and fell over. Next thing I knew, I was blindfolded and shoved in the stockroom.

Patricia: You know, flats are better for your back and your feet. No one needs to wear 5-inch heels.

Max: But those shoes ARE fabulous!!  Do they hurt?

Millicent: What can I say – “Pretty is Painful.” But wait, you look kind of familiar. I think I’ve seen you before. Take off that eye patch!

Mama Rose Marie: Oh, Bartholomew! Look at the time! You promised to take me to the antique shop across the parking lot. Let’s go!

TO BE CONTINUED 

 

Divabetic’s Mystery podcast, Kill Me Madam, cast includes USA Best-Selling Author Tonya Kappes, Patricia Addie-Gentle RN, CDE, MaryAnn Horst-Nicolay MEd, NDRT, Lorraine Brooks, Catherine Schuller, Wendy Radford, Coach The Cure‘s Trisha Artman, Mama Rose Marie, Seveda Williams, and Max ‘Mr. Divabetic’ Szadek. Produced by Leisa Chester-Weir.

Throughout the podcast we will be featuring music from the Broadway Cast Album of ‘Call Me Madam’ courtesy of SONY Music.

HEALTH TOPICS

A new study suggests that Botox, or botulinum toxin, may offer successful relief for neuropathy, not just one form, but two.

 

Divabetic Cozy Mystery: Kill Me Madam, Part 1

It’s a bright and sunny morning on the island of Nantucket, Massachusetts. Part of what makes Nantucket a unique historic gem is its place on the map; as Herman Melville wrote in Moby-Dick, it is “away offshore.” Max has just returned from running an errand to join his friends in a small prep kitchen overlooking the beach. He and our team are busy doing food prep for his new recipe for Nantucket’s Decadent Desserts on Deck Baking Competition. Everyone is hoping that Max will stay out of trouble long enough to win the cash prize with one of his healthy dessert recipes.  

Tonya: Hey Max, now that you’re back from your shopping errand, let’s take these aprons off and go sightseeing!

Max: There’s no time, I’ve got to prepare for the competition. Mom, can you turn on the oven?

Tonya: You mean we travelled all this way to Nantucket just to be stuck in a kitchen?

Patricia: He’s only here to escape the bad press surrounding Sweet Sally Buttercup’s murder.

MaryAnn: And to prove he’s a serious baker.

Mama Rose Marie: And not a deranged killer, isn’t that right, dear?

Max: Those wouldn’t be my exact words, Mom!

Tonya: Sweet Sally took one sip of your kale hot cocoa and dropped dead. Big deal!

Max: We’ve gone over this. It wasn’t me. A lunatic poisoned my kale hot cocoa. I didn’t kill her.

Tonya: Details, details. Why do you insist on splitting hairs? You’re notorious! There’s even a ‘Killer Cocoa’ Twitter account dedicated to your mishaps.

MaryAnn: Yeah, it has 5 million followers.

Max: That’s precisely why I registered under a different name: Bartholomew Maxwell. I’m keeping my true identity a secret so they’ll judge me on my recipe and not my ‘notorious’ reputation.

Patricia: Running away from your past is a big mistake. It always catches up with you.

MaryAnn: Besides, someone is bound to recognize you – your picture’s been all over the media.

Max: Not if I compete in this costume – dressed as a pirate.

Patricia: Wait a minute! You think changing your name and wearing that stuffed parrot on your shoulder along with that eye patch, wig and beard can keep you out of trouble?

Max: It couldn’t hurt. My Fruit Suit is like a magnet for murder! Besides this competition is on an old pirate ship. I’ll blend in.

Mama Rose Marie: Son, you have finally lost your marbles. What do you think, Tonya?

Tonya: I think if he’s going to walk around dressed like Blackbeard, we should all get to dress up and change our names. This recipe of yours better be dee-licious.

Max: I’m packing all the flavor of a classic key lime pie into my dairy and gluten free, vegan recipe with a pecan pie crust!

Patricia: Smart ingredients! Pecans are low in carbs and can also reduce the risk of heart disease.

MaryAnn: Plus, they’re high in fiber and contain lots of vitamins and minerals.

Tonya: First of all, Max, it’s “pecawns” not “peecans”. And, it sounds way too healthy to win a Decadent Dessert competition.

Patricia: Well, many desserts contain butter and dark chocolate which are low in carbohydrates.

MaryAnn: But they can also have loads of sugar and flour, which are high in carbohydrates. There are healthy carbs—ones that are high in fiber and low in sugar, like fruits and vegetables—and then, the not-so-healthy carbs.

Tonya: What about rice, potatoes and flour? My sister-in-law won’t go near any white foods.

MaryAnn: Rice, potatoes and flour can still be part of a healthy diet. The key is moderation. And potato skins are a great source of potassium and fiber.

Max: Who cares about potato skins?  My pie crust is made out of finely chopped pecans that are loaded with nutrients. That’s why I ran out to buy a food processor. It’s going to help cut down on my prep time.

Tonya: You didn’t wear this disguise out in public, did you?

Max: No, I stopped by a costume shop on my way back. Luckily no one recognized me at the local baking store. You wouldn’t believe the outrageous prices!  Good thing, I got a deal. Actually it’s a weird story. This eccentric lady with ski poles sold me this brand new food processor right out of her trunk.

Mama Rose Marie: What was she doing with ski poles in the middle of summer!?

Max: Beats me. But she was a real lifesaver! Since someone, dropped voice (Tonya!) forgot to pack mine!

Tonya: Eccentric sounds about right if she was selling food processors out of her trunk!

Max: She told me she wins a new one every year in the Decadents Dessert competition. Enough chit chat. I’ve got to soak these cashews for the pie filling before we leave.

Tonya: You mean we finally get to explore the island, Max?

Max:  No, we’re meeting up with all the other competitors at a Peggy the Perky Pie Princess’s baking seminar. She’s famous for preventing baking disasters.

Tonya: Can she prevent your type of disasters?

TO BE CONTINUED